“Oh, You Didn’t Know That?”

February 13, 2016 § 7 Comments

So … yesterday we celebrated my wife’s birthday.

It had actually been on Tuesday (9th) but work/life/shit made it have to be done on Friday.  And it was a “two-fer” because it was our Valentine’s Day thing as well.

First I went to the barber shop while she went to the nail salon on the other end of the crappy little strip-mall.

This used to be a nice little shopping center.  Hell, it used to be a nice part of town.  Hell, it used to be a nice town!  Now … not so much on all three.

I hadn’t had a haircut in over two months and I began to feel like Bernie Sanders.  Not quite so bad since I keep it cut REAL short, but bad.  Usually there’s a wait, not this time, and I was done in 20 minutes at the most (mainly because I told her I wasn’t in a hurry and to go ahead and finish her lunch while we talked about the nice weather and stuff).

I’m pretty sure that even by the time I got finished my wife hadn’t even gotten started with her nails.  So I waited in the truck.

And waited …

And waited …

Almost two hours …

Yeah.  And that was plenty of time for me to look around from inside the safety of my truck and remember why I LOVE my tiny little town and am VERY thankful I don’t live in the PIT that is Lawton, Oklahoma anymore.

I probably should have walked down and browsed in some of the stores and killed some time, but I was tired and thought I might catch a short nap.

Until the guy walked up to me (I had the window down) asking for a hand-out.


Look, I’m not exactly a compassionate and empathetic human being to begin with.  What little bit of compassion and empathy I have in my stony little heart, though, disappears completely when an obvious addict asks me for money.  And especially one that I can tell is sizing me up to see if there’s any possibility of robbing/mugging me.

And then he leaves … and an hour later is making the same “rounds.”  I slumped down in the seat this time and kept the windows rolled up.

But anyway …

Then I asked my wife if there was anything she wanted or needed or anyplace she wanted to go before we went to eat … and she replied:

“I could use some more underwear and socks.”

Her shopping wishes fulfilled, we went to eat.

She chose Red Lobster, where poor people like us go to think we’re eating a fancy meal.

She ordered something to drink, I ordered a Coke (because I’m so sophisticated), and we ate.  I’m thinking I might be hungry again sometime around Thursday.

She ordered a “re-fill” on her drink, they came by and sang “Happy Birthday” to her.  She was happy.

I paid the bill and she asked for a “to-go” cup for the rest of her drink.  the server told her she couldn’t get one.  I said, “I wondered about that,” and then explained to my wife that the drink she had ordered had rum in it.  And I told her I was going to tell all her church buddies that she was out drinking alcohol and carousing …

“I didn’t know!”

And I know she didn’t.  I did.  I let it happen because I thought it was funny.

She slept like a log for most of the evening and all night.  A loudly snoring log.

I spent the evening “cleaning up” her Facebook account – AGAIN – and swearing I’m deleting it next time.

(I’m beginning to think that what is happening is not a “fish” or a “hack” or anything other than ineptitude.  I think she’s seeing the “People You May Know” and thinking she’s getting friend requests and attempting to delete them but actually sending out requests.  All I really know is that it took over an hour for me to delete all the sent requests, delete all the new “friends” she doesn’t know, and send apologies to her REAL friends for the spamming they’ve been getting.  It might not be her, though, because the same thing happened to my sister last week ((friend requests being sent to friends AND ALL OF THEIR FRIENDS)).  At least this time they were all local folks.  But I’m serious about trashing the thing next time and starting over.).

The End.

Absolute Nonsense

February 10, 2016 § 9 Comments

It’s the Chinese New Year, right?

I’m confused, though.  Is it the ‘Year of the Monkey’

or the ‘Year of the PuppyMonkeyBaby?’

(If you don’t know what that is, count yourself lucky)

But, you know, the concept of the ad is ‘three cool things combined into one,’ but it features a group of 20ish guys.  When I was 20 I would have thought a puppy was cool, I might have thought having a monkey was cool (although they stink … I’ve known people who’ve had them as pets), but no way in HELL would I have thought having a baby was cool.  At 55, the thought of having a baby is a nightmare!

Almost as big a nightmare as the PuppyMonkeyBaby …

Maybe a PuppyMonkeyRobot …


Yesterday – 9th – was my wife’s birthday.  I lucked out and didn’t even have to spring for a cake – some old lady at the Nutrition Center gave her a plate of cupcakes.  And all the old folks out there signed a card for her.  She was thrilled.  Add to that all the Facebook greetings and the few people who texted her and she was ecstatic.

To the point of not noticing that I’d neglected to get her a card …

I felt kind of bad.  But, hey, I’m getting her new teeth!


It is 75 outside right now.  Unreal!



I’m Psycho, NOT Psychic

February 8, 2016 § 8 Comments

How my predictions went …
I think the Denver defense against the Carolina offense will be an interesting contest, but I fully expect the Carolina Panthers to win.
….. Giving myself partial credit for this.  The offense/defense part was right, but Carolina did not win.
And I’m thinking it won’t be a “pretty” game – that Carolina will roll over Denver pretty much the same way Seattle did a few years ago.
….. WRONG!  It wasn’t “pretty,” but no one really rolled over anyone else … but the first Carolina offensive possession looked bad for them.  Very bad.
I like Peyton Manning, but just don’t think the weak little passes he’s been throwing throughout the playoffs are going to cut it.  I mean, Carolina picked off the Arizona QB FIVE times on short passes in their last game.
….. Maybe I’ll take partial credit here as well.  Denver ran the ball a lot and Peyton only threw 1 interception.
I just really hope we don’t see Peyton get hurt, but I’m afraid we might.  And, yes, I expect this to be his last game … I just hope that’s not because they have to cart him off the field on a stretcher.
….. Partial credit again.  He did NOT get hurt … he did NOT get carted off on a stretcher … he did NOT commit right after the game to this being his last game, but I still expect that announcement in the not too distant future.
I never cared for Cam Newton when he was in college and won the Heisman … but there’s no denying he deserves the MVP trophy this year, and deserves the Super Bowl win.
….. Hey, I was right about me not liking him, about him winning the Heisman, and that he DID win the MVP trophy.  I was wrong about him winning the Super Bowl, and his actions afterwards showed that he didn’t deserve the win either.
Possible score of 5 (on my arbitrary scale), and I’ll give myself 1.5 points … but really don’t deserve any for being so wrong.
Another example of why I don’t gamble.  If I did and wanted to put $20 on this game I would have put $15 on Carolina and $5 on Denver and might have broken even.  I wouldn’t do ‘point spread’ bets, just head-to-head.

I Think I Understand

February 6, 2016 § 17 Comments

Just some stuff …

I peed in a cup at the “doctor’s” office yesterday.

She had asked me to come by after finishing the last course of antibiotics, leave a sample, have it tested, and they’d call me to let me know if I was done or needed to continue for another week.

I never heard back from them, so I’m assuming all was fine.  I guess I’ll find out for sure if it flares up again over the weekend.

On Thursday there was a note on the bulletin board at work telling us that our boss would be on site at 2:00pm to hand out our annual “award” stuff.  No indication it was mandatory (they’d get the stuff – gift cards – to us in some way eventually anyway), and I had no intention of showing up.

Side note – our old boss generally made the rounds when he knew people would be at work, often showing up extra early in the morning or at night, in order to make it convenient for us.  We have a few folks who drive 30 or so miles to get to work, and doing that on their day off would suck.

Side note #2 – the new guy operates completely differently.  He shows up maybe every 3 weeks or so.  Someone who is “supervisor” at another worksite 75 or so miles away was suddenly delegated a lot of responsibility for our site and another, and was suddenly swamped with a lot more work than under the old boss.  She quit.

So … I didn’t intend to make the 2:00pm “meeting” because I’d still be asleep at that time.  As it happens, I woke up at 2.  Forty-five minutes later when – after a shower and caffeine – I felt human enough, I called work and found he was still there.  I went, got my “awards” and left.  He tried to engage me in some nonsense conversation, but I didn’t respond well (I guess I really wasn’t all that human-feeling after all), and I left.

The shitty thing?  I found out he’s going to be back next Thursday – during my work shift (!) – to do my ‘annual review’ thingy and I could have waited until then to pick up the stuff.

Oh well.

Yesterday, after peeing in a cup, I took my wife to a store because she had to get a gift item for a church ladies meeting.  They have these things every month.  They are themed, so the gift item has to be pertinent to the theme.

I’m not being rude, just truthful … my wife sucks at buying gifts, and especially themed gift items.  This theme – because of Valentine’s Day – is “something for/from the heart” (I’m not sure which.

Not only does my wife suck at picking themed gifts, she also sucks at being reasonable when it comes to spending money on crap like this.  She ends up giving something worth twice the piece of crap she brings home.

I made a lame suggestion that she buy a couple of bottles of low-dose aspirin and put them in a cheap heart-shaped mug.

She finally bit on a suggestion I made and we got out of there.

On the way home I commented on how sad I thought it was that they had to bribe the ladies to show up with promises of a gift exchange … that just fellowshipping together wasn’t enough.

(Of course, the only way they can get the men together for anything is with the promise of free food.  Luckily they’re not exchanging Valentine’s with each other …


My Super Bowl prediction that no one reading this will care about:

I think the Denver defense against the Carolina offense will be an interesting contest, but I fully expect the Carolina Panthers to win.  And I’m thinking it won’t be a “pretty” game – that Carolina will roll over Denver pretty much the same way Seattle did a few years ago.  I like Peyton Manning, but just don’t think the weak little passes he’s been throwing throughout the playoffs are going to cut it.  I mean, Carolina picked off the Arizona QB FIVE times on short passes in their last game.  I just really hope we don’t see Peyton get hurt, but I’m afraid we might.  And, yes, I expect this to be his last game … I just hope that’s not because they have to cart him off the field on a stretcher.  I never cared for Cam Newton when he was in college and won the Heisman … but there’s no denying he deserves the MVP trophy this year, and deserves the Super Bowl win.

I also expect the half-time show featuring Coldplay to suck, mainly because Coldplay sucks.  I think I’ll be switching channels to either the Kitten Bowl or Puppy Bowl during that time.

You can all come out of your comas now …

 And that’s about it.

Random Thoughts #2/2

February 2, 2016 § 10 Comments

Finally feeling “normal” after a few weeks.

Or – as normal as I get.

The kidney infection hit me harder than I thought it would, and I’m pretty sure I was a lot more stressed out about the lack of sleep, the dental appointment and what I was afraid it was all going to add up to ($$$), and my stupid birthday.  This week I’ve slept better, I know what the dental stuff is all going to cost and that I can easily afford it, and since the 29th is past for another year … so I’m fine.

That top count-down timer actually worked and did what I wanted it to do when it hit 0.

Man, the weather has been great here this winter … but I’m afraid that if it keeps being so damned warm I’m going to have to start mowing in March.

I refuse to fire up the mower in February!

What I really need to do is just spray and kill everything that’s green right now because they are all either weeds or “pest” plants …

but I need a warmish and non-windy day for that.

And to remember to do it.

And to actually get out there and do it.


Random Thought #55

January 30, 2016 § 10 Comments


“How to celebrate your birthday as an adult!”


  1. Work the night before so you’re very tired.  Bonus points if you slept like crap most of the week before … makes it really fun.
  2. Sleep for about two hours.
  3. After a quick shower and getting dressed, make a quick run to the grocery store.  Try like hell to figure out what one item on the list your wife wrote is.  I swear to God it looked like “Dolphin Meat” to me … but ended up being Jalapeno Bologna.  Yeah.
  4. Go home and put shit away and then jump back in the car because you have a dental appointment scheduled.  On your birthday?  Well, yeah, because that’s the earliest they could get both of you in on a Friday.
  5. Because this was a first-time appointment at a new dentist (old one retired) show up extra early because you know there will be lots of paperwork to fill out.  Twice, in fact, because you have to fill out your wife’s forms as well (see above reference to “Dolphin Meat”).
  6. Sit in waiting room.
  7. Have this extremely good-looking dental assistant call your name and take you in the back for x-rays.  Hell, I would have followed her anywhere …
  8. Follow the extremely good-looking dental assistant to another room where you sit in a chair and (you think) get prepped for a cleaning.
  9. She leaves the room for a while and you notice your x-rays are displayed on a computer screen so you examine them.  I had a slight swelling and soreness (that diminished greatly after making the appointment – of course), and I was looking at the x-rays trying to determine what the problem was.  Of course, I didn’t go to dental school so I have no idea what I’m looking at.
  10. This HUGE guy … 300 pounds at least … comes into the room and I have this sinking feeling that HE is going to be the one to clean my teeth instead of the good-looking gal who has disappeared.
  11. Feel a little relief when he introduces himself as the dentist.
  12. He examines my teeth and declares me cavity and – for the most part – problem free.  The swelling is a slight abscess that he thinks is related to tartar build up.  He says he’s going to prescribe antibiotics and then if it’s still a problem after the cleaning we’ll look at maybe a root canal or and extraction.
  13. I mention that I’m currently taking lots of Cipro for a kidney infection and he says that should work on the abscess, so no need for a prescription from him.  It would also explain why my slight problem of swelling has diminished so quickly over the last week.
  14. Realize that I have to go back for a cleaning, this was just an initial exam.  No big deal, but just something else I’ll have to schedule.
  15. Be told I am being escorted to someone who will schedule me for anything else I need … or asked if I’d prefer to go into the room with my wife so I can see what she needs and then both of us can see the “follow-up lady” later.   Take that option.
  16. Look at wife’s x-rays and think, “I’ve seen this in a horror movie!”  Really, though, she’s on a medication to control seizures and a side effect of it is dental problems.  We knew this day was coming.
  17. Her treatment plan is – extraction of all upper teeth she has left and a full denture up there … lower extraction of 3 teeth and a partial down there.  Again, we knew this day was coming.
  18. Go see the “money lady” and find out what all this shit is going to cost.  It’s actually less (after insurance) than I feared, so I’m relatively happy.
  19. I go back on the 17th (earliest they could get me in at my convenience) for the cleaning and checking on the possible problem tooth, she gets her first wax impression that day … and then we’ll go from there.
  20. Leave dental office a lot earlier than expected and go to a store to get kitty supplies while we’re in town.
  21. Get the hell out of town and go home because I’m starting to hit a wall.
  22. Tell wife all you want for your birthday dinner is a pepperoni pizza with extra cheese and mention – as a joke – that if (at 3:09pm) she calls a certain place that is notorious for taking forever, maybe they’ll have a pizza done by the end of the day.
  23. Listen as wife makes a phone call ordering a pizza.
  24. “It will be ready in 20 minutes” she says … it will take 30 minutes to get home.
  25. Say, “20 minutes?  For Patman’s?  That’s fast.”
  26. “Oh … I didn’t call Patman’s.”
  27. Sigh … she doesn’t listen.  but who cares?  Pizza is pizza.
  28. Stop and get pizza on way home.  Go home and have to eat it then because, hey, I was hungry and didn’t want it to be too cold.
  29. Get over it because it’s just your birthday, you’re not five and it doesn’t matter anymore.
  30. Keep falling asleep trying to watch TV.

Exciting, huh?

The best thing about turning 55 is that it put’s me in the earliest range for retirement.  I know that from this point on I cannot leave my job without getting some sort of pension.  That top count-down timer to the right is for that.  No retirement will happen until at least the second one hits zero.  But it’s a bit of a comfortable feeling that I’m eligible for at least something.



Are You Kidneying Me?

January 27, 2016 § 9 Comments

Still pissing “a little hot,” so another week’s worth of Cipro.

Not surprised, it was bad.

Now, if only I could manage to sleep longer than 4 hours …

been waking up earlier than I’d like and not being able to go back to sleep.  I’ll survive, but damn!

And I get to go to the dentist on Friday.  YAY!


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